Pelonius Winitard III was at a loss. Not at a loss for words, but at a loss for money. How had he managed to lose the several million dollars for which he had worked approximately zero years, no months, days, hours, or minutes? That wasn't entirely true. He had worked quite hard to not die while he was in his mother's womb, and getting over the smack on the rump that the doctor delivered with all the power of a Ike Turner beating was quite a bit of work, he reckoned. Other than that, one could even say that the years of schooling had been quite a lot of work; but that wasn't entirely the case, because he knew that his inheritance would have come regardless of his scholastic achievement or not. For Pelonius, just being there was hard enough work.
Let us therefore rephrase it. How had he managed to lose the several million dollars for which he worked sixteen years (minus three or four months times sixteen for summer vacation) plus anywhere from zero to 9 months depending on your personal view of when life begins in the womb? (Philosophically, Pelonius believed life began when his head emerged into the open air but practically speaking, he wanted to think that he was hard at work from the very moment his cells began deviding.)
It all began as an e-mail that landed in his junk folder. Pelonius liked to look in the folder as the obvious garbage gave him a good laugh. This one seemed legitimate, however, and he wanted to have a thorough look at it - cryonics was the way of the future, after all. It started with e-mail correspondence with the owner of the cryonics firm and somehow ended with his losing absolutely all of his money, his mansion, and just about everything else except for a Volkswagen Beetle that he had purchased as a lark off of Craig's List and had forgotten about until the previous week, when the seller called him to inquire when he should expect pickup given that he had received the cash via UPS a couple of months earlier. That's just how irresponsible Pelonius tended to be - sending cash by UPS and not even remembering to pick up what he had purchased.
to be continued?