I think I've found a family I'd like to go to on a lot of Friday nights, and a family I'd like to go to for Shabbos lunch meals. The lunch meal family seems more eager to see me on a regular basis, though. So I might have to vary the evening meal with a couple of other families, both of whom seemed to want to have me. But maybe they're like that with everyone. Er... is that my low self-esteem acting up again? I find it so hard to accept a compliment, but derisive remarks are so easily accepted. Not good.
I had a scary dream last night that I was saying Kaddish. I don't know for which parent it was. The part of the dream that really disturbed me was that I was thinking, while saying Kaddish, about how well I was saying it without stumbling over any words. Not that one of my parents had died. Not that I was upset over the loss. No - that I was saying it so carefully and clearly. I almost wanted to call my parents this morning to see if they were all right. Geepers. Maybe it has something to do with the story I'm writing about a girl who is sitting shiva. You think?