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stupidity? conflict? - hip hip queens-ray! kew them gardens. — LiveJournal
hands up *clap* *clap* hands down
stupidity? conflict?
On the one hand, we have the perfectly rational side of me which realizes that a relationship in which one person accepts the other person exactly as they are and the other person has many demands of change, regardless of how easy they would be for the other person, is not a healthy relationship per se

on the other hand,

I miss her already, and I miss her so much, and it's been only a day since we had that awful conversation, and so much of me wishes that somehow things would work out and that it wouldn't all end tomorrow... but that's how it seems it is going to happen.

Great jorb, Gordon. Great f-cking joererb.

feeling: : crushed crushed
la musique: : Schubert - String Quartet No. 15 In G, D. 887 1--Allegro Molto Moderato

8 commentaires and Leave a comment
marlowe1 From: marlowe1 Date: le 26 janvier 2003 18:34 (UTC) (Lien)
The question is whether you want to change what she wants you to change - is she worth giving any of it up for?
gordond From: gordond Date: le 27 janvier 2003 04:56 (UTC) (Lien)
if that were the only question, then everything would be all right.

But something feels terribly wrong about it all. It's a stinker.
From: estokes Date: le 27 janvier 2003 08:45 (UTC) (Lien)
I don't know if you remember me ever talking about my ex-fiance, but I was the one asking for change.
He was a pathological liar, and kept romancing other boys to get nude photos of them.
I asked him to stop lying, and either share his pictures or make a choice between our engagement and his boys. In my mind, marriage is one on one.
Now, was I being reasonable? I'd like to think so, but it never happened and he kicked me out of our house so he could fill it with partying teenagers and so on. However, in so many cases, I hear "I don't like your friends" or "Why don't you dress more like so-and-so" ... very unreasonable...insulting in fact.
I think it's unfair to ask someone to change and then get angry when they don't. I did that. Even if I was reasonable, I had no right to get angry at him for not changing. NOBODY should change for someone else. If he had agreed with me, and decided to change, fine. I let my disappointment get hold of me, and made a fool of myself begging him back. Ug.
If you don't angree with the things she thinks are problems of yours, then that's your choice. She can take you or leave you, as is. Love is supposed to be immune to faults. I've always loved despite faults ... and in a sense, I saved myself a life of misery by not accepting my ex's ... but I did for years. Patience is a virtue AND a curse.
Good Luck. Hope I made SOME sense...
gordond From: gordond Date: le 27 janvier 2003 09:53 (UTC) (Lien)
In this case it's not that which should change - I am completely in agreement with her on it.

However, it doesn't so much feel a supportive, nurturing environment as much as a this is how it should be done, do it now, or else! sort of thing.

It's killing me.
From: estokes Date: le 27 janvier 2003 11:43 (UTC) (Lien)
What a pity. People don't often change overnight, it just doesn't work that way. Change takes time, work, support, encouragement, forgiveness ... ultimatums are pointless and painful.
But I guess you knew that, right? *sheepish grin*
From: estokes Date: le 27 janvier 2003 11:44 (UTC) (Lien)
I'm sorry you have to get put through that :o(
gordond From: gordond Date: le 27 janvier 2003 15:53 (UTC) (Lien)
me too, to say the least. I'm getting concerned that there really, but really, isn't someone. out there. for me.

I mean, it makes sense. Not everyone will get together with the person that's good for them. Maybe I'm one of those someones. :o
From: estokes Date: le 27 janvier 2003 17:33 (UTC) (Lien)
No giving up, you! ;oD
If you agree with what she said, deal with the hurt of her intolerance (took me a year!) and then change for yourself ... when you are the person you WANT to be, the person you want to be with will probably walk into your life... and at any rate, you'll be happier with yourself.
8 commentaires and Leave a comment