gordond (gordond) wrote,

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sum it up for a rabbi

A rabbi in highland park asked me what was the matter, and in retrospect, it is a perfect summary of what's going on right now.

Basically, I feel like I'm at square one. Or even a negative shape. I was in Australia, I knew that I was getting married, going to have a family, work there, be happy, etc. All of a sudden I'm in Highland Park. I'm unemployed, I know basically nobody, and to say the least, I'm not getting married.

Never before have I felt so completely without motivation to go on. No inspiration to just keep on keeping on as they say. I have never felt so completely lost. He invited me over for dinner this next Shabbos, and lunch. How nice of him. In the meanwhile, I have to get my computer hooked up to the 'net in Highland Park. Now I really have to get to sleep, so I can get up at a good hour tomorrow to finish moving furniture. My mom and her boyfriend found furniture and most of it they were able to get downstairs except for a box spring for a mattress. That they'll have to do some surgery on to get to fit. Or something.

I'm so afraid that I won't be able to fall asleep again like last night. Last night I couldn't sleep until like 5 in the morning, and so I ended up sleeping until 2:30 in the afternoon today. So many worries. And I told Julia's mother the new address, so sooner or later I'll be getting my dvds and books. And apparently Julia's "fine" now. Well, that's great. She can go on living, being fine, and I only feel like the world has come to an end. Sigh.

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