October 3rd, 2002

DOOL Steve Kayla Cheers!

i have been crying a lot

i can't stop crying. I keep trying to convince myself that surely there is someone out there who will love me for who I am and not get me to come to australia only to break up with me and attempt suicide. on an objective level I realize that surely there is someone out there more suited for me than that. but I really wonder if anyone would really want to be in a marriage with a six foot two romanian american jew who has a teddy bear, watches anime, plays video games and writes a lot yet davens three times a day, keeps shabbos, keeps strictly kosher, and is shomer negia? not that the shomer negia part would matter much in marriage though I do wish to observe laws of "family purity" as it were. sigh.
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    crushed crushed